On Monday evening my family gathered together to celebrate my birthday.
Mom and Dad, Sister. Kim and Jamie, sweet bean of a boy Noah. Minus my Steph who is off in a seemingly distant corner of the world, this makes my immediate family. Though at times we scrunch our eyes at one another in moments of frustration, in the end – my most precious loved ones.
Talking, laughing, food, pictures, and sweet baby boy cries and coos took up the hours.
And everything seemed right.
The sun beating down on my back, flowers twisting and turning to face the light, bumblebees zipping in the distance, the taste of butter on my tongue.
It all seems right inside this moment.
I’ve said before that this last year has been the hardest that I have had to endure during my meager 27 years. Almost self proclaiming in a way, I anticipated and chose to expect the worst before it even hit. I gave up and let myself fall. I stayed down.
But the last few months I’ve been growing. Trying to. Forcing myself. Changing. Bettering. Talking to the Creator. Actually wanting to hear His answers.
Another of my loved ones, Ashley, knows me inside and out, and in spite of this, still chooses to love me. I wasn’t able to see her on my birthday, but she loved me on this day like she does every other. The day after she sent me a note telling me she had been thinking about me celebrating. A reminder of her support withstanding; enduring with me what has many times been my sadness and pain.
She sent a verse and asked me to bring it to Jesus
“The LORD said:
Forget what happened long ago!
Don’t think about the past.
I am creating something new.
There it is! Do you see it?
I have put roads in deserts,
streams in thirsty lands.”
Isaiah 43:18-19
Lump in throat, tears in eyes, a warmed heart; loved in-spite of its callousness.
Learning to wait and see for answers. Learning to trust. Learning to give, to take, to let go.
Being loved; A fathers pat on the back, a mothers cooking for you. Notes that speak to your heart, cuddles with a little boy who’s parents have blessed you with the gift of being an Auntie to, laughs, hugs, sharing stories, listening with intent.
Everything is right. This year will hold twists, turns, ups, downs. But all these things. Family, friends, assurance, sunshine and even butter and bees; these things let me know that no matter what, everything is right.
